The CFNJ Show
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Forced by network muckity-mucks to air his dirty spandex in front of millions of impressionable young minds, the ever so active and egotistical Captain Falcon dragged a young, naive Ness and a reluctant, conflicted Jigglypuff into the treacherous waters... of sketch comedy. Oh no, here we go.
1. Chapter 1

It was a cozy night at the small household somewhere in the western part of Onett, where Ness was snoozing away in his pajamas. Things were peaceful... only for Captain Falcon to dash into The Room and swap the pajamas with Ness' regular clothes, causing the young PSI powered human boy to wake up as he gawked, noticing the sudden change of clothing.

"Aye! What's going on, Douglas!?" Ness exclaimed as he looked at Captain Falcon, getting out of his bed.

"We gotta do the show, kid! Come on!" Captain Falcon stated as he then pulled Jigglypuff out from his helmet, who sighed in response.

"I'm being forced to do this against my will." Jigglypuff stated as she rolled her eyes, with the night suddenly switching to the morning as Captain Falcon gathered Ness and Jigglypuff into the living room, with there... being a shark tank.

"All right, gang, shape up, because we got a show to start!" Captain Falcon stated as he clapped his hands, summoning confetti that was covering up the entire room.

"...IS THAT A SHARK TANK IN THE LIVING ROOM?" Falco Lombardi exclaimed in shock as he appeared out of nowhere, shaking Captain Falcon violently. "WHERE DID YOU GET THESE SHARKS FROM? IS THAT EVEN SAFE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

Captain Falcon laughed as he patted Falco on the head. "Relax, bro. It's toally safe." He then got into his Blue Falcon vehicle and drove it towards the shark tank, zipping into the air as the car then fell into the shark tank, with the sharks attacking him and the vehicle.

"...that's a way to start the morning." Jigglypuff sarcastically remarked as she began munching on a strawberry donut.

As Captain Falcon screamed for help while Falco watched in disbelief, Ness farted loudly, sticking out his tongue as he scratched his butt with his left hand, sniffing his hand as he giggled.

* * *

Ness, Captain Falcon, and Jigglypuff were all in the infamous elevator at the Montoli Tower, with the elevator lady farting up a storm as Ness watched her butt cheeks jiggle, Captain Falcon noticing her figure as Jigglypuff just waited for the elevator ride to end.

"Quit staring at my hips... why don't you stand somewhere else instead of behind me?" The elevator lady asked as she blushed, noticing Ness was right in front of her farting butt.

"Ha ha. The elevator lady's making a stinky." Ness stated as he innocently held his hands together.

"I guess this lady's farts are invading the space in this elevator," Captain Falcon joked as he and Ness laughed.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Jigglypuff stated as she used sing, causing everyone except her to snooze to sleep, the now snoozing elevator lady still passing gas.

* * *

Captain Falcon, Ness, and Jigglypuff watched as the fireworks exploded in the night sky, with the three Smashers looking at each other.

"This feels anticlimactic." Captain Falcon pointed out while flexing his muscles.

"Your mom's anticlimactic." Jigglypuff responded while wearing shades.

Captain Falcon blinked as he then punched Jigglypuff in the face, with Ness gasping in shock.

"You didn't tell her about the incident?" Ness remarked, with Captain Falcon shaking his head in sadness.


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Falcon was doing some fishing in the volcanic Norfair stage as he was waiting to catch something big (4U), when Ness and Jigglypuff both approached him.

"Watcha doin', captain?" Ness asked as he placed his hands on his knees.

"I'm waiting for something big to hook onto this fishing rod," Captain Falcon stated with a smile as he turned to the two smaller Smashers. "Trust me, something will catch on."

"Oh, I'm sure something will grab it..." Jigglypuff stated with her eyes rolling.

It was then that Kraid emerged from the lava, swallowing all three Smashers with one big gulp as he went back in the magma.

"Didn't expect that, huh?" Ridley stated with a smirk on his face.

* * *

Ness was playing around with his yoyo as he was at the tropical and sunny Delfino Plaza, humming to himself as he saw Toadette and Dry Bowser get chased by a giant, yellow clad Ness, with Jigglypuff and Captain Falcon chasing after the giant Ness. Ness just shrugged as he kept playing with his yoyo, accidentally knocking himself out as he hit himself in the face.

With the said yoyo.

* * *

"Something interesting will happen," Jigglypuff stated as she was slapping Ness and Captain Falcon, being on the Miiverse stage. "...in another fanfic."

"Ow!" Captain Falcon and Ness exclaimed in pain from all the slapping Jigglypuff was giving them.


	3. Chapter 3

Captain Falcon, Ness, and Jigglypuff all looked around the apartment for which they were visiting, with it being... quite a mess, which is to be expected of all apartments.

"...I don't think I've ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up." Captain Falcon stated as he was feeling awkward from being in the presence of such filth, being quite a hypocrite as his own room back at the mansion was a mess.

"Do you have any idea how much time we just wasted in this apartment?" Ness remarked as he moved his arms around. "We could be doing something better."

"Like standing around in the middle of the street." Jigglypuff sarcastically remarked as she yawned loudly.

* * *

"You've got to apologize." Ness pointed out to Captain Falcon after making Jigglypuff hulk out from a dumb squabble over pencils, with the giant Jigglypuff destroying most of Castelia City.

"Why should I?" Captain Falcon responded while folding his arms, the two Smashers standing on a skyscraper.

Ness held his hands together. "Because it's the mature and adult thing to do."

"...Do I look like a mature, responsible grown up to you?" Captain Falcon asked.

Ness shook his head. "No."

"Exactly." Captain Falcon stated, with him and Ness being punched high into the sky by a angered Jigglypuff.

* * *

"A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?" Jigglypuff stated, being a temporary news anchor on the Smash News as footage of Captain Falcon and Ness running around Luigi's Mansion was shown, with them being chased by all different sorts of ghosts.

Falco Lombardi sighed as he placed down the papers he was holding in his feathery hands."Gee, Jiggs, it clearly must be the Ghostbusters."

Jigglypuff slapped Falco across the face. "No, Falco. Their insurance company. That's fucking stupid what you just said."

Falco then jumped into the air and landed on Jigglypuff within his giant blue Landmaster, even through personally he preferred the air.


	4. Chapter 4

Captain Falcon was eating bowls of cereal in the cafeteria as Ness and Jigglypuff looked at him oddly.

"Falcon, why are you eating so much cereal?" Ness innocently asked as he held his hands together.

"Why do you care?" Captain Falcon barfed out as he resumed eating his corn flakes.

"Wow, rude!" Jigglypuff exclaimed as she flailed hier stubby arms.

* * *

Captain Falcon panted as he stopped in front of the Smash mansion to catch his breathe, only to get run over by a giant red Landmaster that ness and Jigglypuff were riding in.

* * *

Ness and Jigglypuff were in the middle of playing chess as Captain Falcon ran by, wearing a lampshade on his head.

"...Don't ask. I was dared to do this," Captain Falcon explained as he ran off.

* * *

Ness was farting in the hallway as he bumped into Captain Falcon and Jigglypuff, the two looking at him oddly.

"Ness, we're concerned about you." Jigglypuff stated profoundly.

"What? Because I know when to let loose?" Ness stated as he bent over and farted a powerful PSI blast of gas, the flatulence strong enough to melt Dry Bowser and blow Toadette into a pillar, causing the entire Smash Mansion to collapse.


	5. Chapter 5

"And now, on tonight's show, the original 64 secret trio," Dry Bowser introduced, pointing to Captain Falcon, Ness, and Jigglypuff, who were all sitting together awkwardly at the studio.

"Don't fret, guys, talk shows always have these slightly awkward moments!" Toadette laughed as she raised her arms in the air.

"That's not what has me concerned..." Capt Falcon stated as he held his hands together.

"It's me trying not to steal the show. Quite literally!" Jigglypuff exclaimed as she took in a deep breath of air and attempted to sing, only for Ness to stop her.

"Please! We don't wanna go to sleep!" Ness proclaimed as he shook his head.

"I guess that she's as annoying when it comes to singing as Mel," Lumineon explained while cleaning his piano.

"Since when did you have a piano?" Vanilluxe commented in confusion.

"Since when did you care?" Cherrim giggled as she was planting several seeds around the mud she brought in.

"Guys, focus!" Meloetta snapped as she was pouring vanilla icing down her green hair, giggling as she was enjoying it.

"...right. Anyway, what do you do when you're not smashing?" Dry Bowser asked the smashing trio while brushing his red hair back.

"Yeah, are you guys actual somebodies beyond Smash Bros, or just those kinds of bums who will take anything they can get?" Toadette added while drinking her cup of coffee.

"They don't look good..." Silver The Hedgehog muttered to himself while handling the camera as he noticed that Captain Falcon and Ness were beginning to sweat while Jigglypuff didn't have a care in the world.

"This is going par the usual course." Arceus chatted with Gruntilda while the two were handling the directing roles, playing a card game.

"Bah. When are we going to have guests who can actually handle this banter?" Gruntilda scoffed as she placed down a couple of cards.

"I'm surprised they haven't tried to do anything rash," R.O.B. proclaimed, only to see Captain Falcon punching everything while Ness slammed everything with his wooden baseball bat, with Jigglypuff beginning to sing. "...On second thought, never mind."


End file.
